Monday, 29 September 2008

Flashman or Gladstone?

Jacquie Ashley, still desperately attempting to square her pro-Gordo instincts with the obvious realities of his catastrophic premiership, came up with what she may well have thought a wizard wheeze in her Guardian column this morning. Are the Tories more Flashman than Gladstone, she asked? – ohh! provocative, Jackie! Sounds like you may have read a history book or two. Bit of of proper context coming our way? Stand by!

She's got this 100% wrong.

Clearly, Flashman = public school thug = David Cameron = George Osborne/Boris,/Bullingdon Club/beastly hearties is an obvious enough line to take.

But who is really shoving the junior boys' heads down the bog, roasting them over the fire and, swanking around in his study, demanding that his toadies properly terrorise them?

Friday, 26 September 2008

Very, very important message to our American friends

Gordo, our well-known prime minister, stern but all-encompassing in his kindly Scottish wisdom, has explained to you trusting Americans why only he can redeem yours and the world's teetering financial systems.

I urge you to listen.

My message is simple. It is:

America awake! Gordon is among you! Only he can save you!

Be dazzled by his poll ratings! Be astounded by the fact that he has – and IS! – presiding over a mutiny in his Cabinet! Revel in his lying! Be dazed by his ineptitude! Celebrate his nastiness! Above all, be stunned by his country's level of debt – NONE OF IT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AT ALL!

He is truly a colossus.

Quite a lot of his hair, even at the back, hardly sticks up at all. Even on his worst days, his trousers can't be more than six inches too long.

This is the man to follow.

If you doubt me, look at his wife. See! Little more than three stone overweight! Who needs Carla Bruni when you can have Sarah Brown? And she can use a microphone!

Gordo! Man of destiny!

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Meanwhile in Burma

What a pointless experience ...

I hadn't really wanted to watch the great McNutter's 'speech of a lifetime' this afternoon. If nothing else, it was certain it would make zero difference to the inevitable fate of this hugely nasty man.

But I did nonetheless, the second half anyway.

What struck me most, amid the apparently spontaneous bursts of applause and the predictable claims that Labour (for which, in his own over-heated imagination, read G. Brown) had been responsible for every 'progressive' advance of the 20th century, was the claim that he, the Mighty McGordo McMadMan, was going to restore democracy to Burma.

This, admittedly, was mentioned only in passing, thrown off amid his other vast claims to immortality (rescuing the NHS, ending child poverty, re-defining the global banking system, etc).

But it was made nonetheless.

That McLoonyTunesGordo is currently the world's No. 1 tosser, lunatic, cretin goes without saying,

That, despite the best efforts of vast gangs of PR stylists (and God knows how much tax-payers' money), his suits always look as though they have been pinched from Howard Hughes's madder, drooling cousin and his hair cut by the loopy aunt everyone thought had been locked up years ago, is similarly beside the point. No one expects him to be anything than what he self-evidently is: a crazed, embarrassing obsessive.

That he has buggered Britain's finances in ways even Neil Kinnock couldn't have managed is no less a given.

But that he should now pose as the liberator of Burma, the stern champion of its oppressed peoples, the implacable enemy of its cruel government (socialist, by the way), the mighty defender of its human freedoms, the beetle-browed champion of its human liberties, is a great deal more than just preposterous.

It isn't just a huge, vast, immense joke. It is a giant-size affront, a grotesque parody, a laughable, sickening insult, a preening piece of nonsense, a revolting inversion of the truth.

For this one demented claim alone he deserves to be tormented for eternity.

The Burmese have been oppressed in ways we in the West can scarcely comprehend. And now, purely because he sees it as one, tiny, aid to his political survival, McBroon poses as their saviour, knowing full well there is nothing he can do to help them.

This is miles beyond shamelessness.

It is properly vile.

And this from the man who proclaims 'fairness'.

Is there a fate worse than death? I'd like to think so.

It would be no more than Brown deserved.

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Let's not get excited ...

... but let's face facts.

Gordo is history, baco-foil, toasted to a crisp and beyond, washed up, gone, a tiny fragment, a footnote, an irrelevance.

Granted, he has as good as left us all bankrupt.

But I think we can take it as read that his 'legacy', so long sought, so pitifully delivered, so painfully endured, will be consigned to one of history's more obscure dustbins.

How very fitting.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Could The Daily Brute ...

... really be back?

He may be.

If only to celebrate the disintegration of Thuggo McGordo's vast and elaborate empire of inanity and corruption, as shot through with vacuous idiocy as it is inept and incompetent.

It goes without saying that McNutter is now definitively round the bend.

All that remains to be resolved is the precise moment of his final defeat.

My betting is this Friday, September 19.

I hope you will then all be able to join me in celebrating the end of the nastiest man ever to infect British politics.

He is – and always has been – properly loathsome.