Gordo, our well-known prime minister, stern but all-encompassing in his kindly Scottish wisdom, has explained to you trusting Americans why only he can redeem yours and the world's teetering financial systems.
I urge you to listen.
My message is simple. It is:
America awake! Gordon is among you! Only he can save you!
Be dazzled by his poll ratings! Be astounded by the fact that he has – and IS! – presiding over a mutiny in his Cabinet! Revel in his lying! Be dazed by his ineptitude! Celebrate his nastiness! Above all, be stunned by his country's level of debt – NONE OF IT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AT ALL!
He is truly a colossus.
Quite a lot of his hair, even at the back, hardly sticks up at all. Even on his worst days, his trousers can't be more than six inches too long.
This is the man to follow.
If you doubt me, look at his wife. See! Little more than three stone overweight! Who needs Carla Bruni when you can have Sarah Brown? And she can use a microphone!
Gordo! Man of destiny!
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