Poor old Rachel Sylvester has written the most astonishingly stupid article about Ed Balls in the Telegraph.
How can she allow herself to be nobbled in this way?
'Mr Balls [Mr. Balls? Mr. Balls? What's wrong with plain Balls?] is, she tells us, 'phenomenally bright'. Well, that's crap for starters. What he actually is, Rachel, is 'phenomenally nasty'.
Even more gushingly she then writes that 'A 20-minute coffee with him is more rewarding than a two-hour lunch with most ministers.' (Actually, there may be some tiny truth in this given how staggeringly thick 'most ministers' are – but not much).
No less preposterously she quotes as evidence of his intellectual dexterity, to say nothing of his capacity for Peter Cook style dazzling repartee, that when, horribly, he was pressed into service as Father Christmas last Saturday at No. 11 Downing Street's Christmas party – itself surely a supremely grisly occasion – he replied 'quick as a flash' to a child who asked for a new pair of shoes for Christmas that he/she should 'Get your parents to use their child benefit to buy them'.
Golly. One in the eye for Oscar Wilde there. Repartee ain't in it. Razor-sharp stuff. Whoo!
She also claims – and the poor woman has clearly been heavily worked over by someone – that the 'Department for Children, Schools and Families,' which Balls heads, is, among much else, 'responsible for the work-life balance and children's television'.
Leaving aside the question of what exactly the 'work-life balance' is, other than a typically vacuous example of 'world-class' NuLab bollocks, in what conceivable sense is Balls in charge of 'children's television'?
But the true test of her obvious lunacy is that she seems to think Balls might genuinely be PM one day.
I have said it before and I am happy to say it again. There is not one chance in eight hundred billion of Balls ever becoming prime minister. Not one.
He is a properly hideous combination of thug, Mekon and pre-programmed NuLab back-room conspirator. He also has a stutter.
He is wholly, utterly and totally loathesome, smug beyond measure, conceited beyond caricature. He is almost certainly also a crook.
I defy anyone to claim otherwise.